Some day, your partner will value you all the more! I tried reaching out to her by other means,out of sheer panic because I was deeply in love with her,she had promised even If we did break up,we would keep in contact, she made alot of empty promises,I confided and trusted in her - but personality changed almost 180 degrees that the promises she made,meant absolutely nothing. What to do when bipolar partner ignores you Stock Status: My mother would threaten to kill herself in front of us kids. How does one go from so loving to a completely cold and mean person? In reply to My wife of 7 1/2 years was… by Anonymous (not verified). I said I didn’t know if it was a gift knowing her or not on my last post but it’s been a long time since I’ve seen or heard from her now and I’m starting to cope better and it’s not that I don’t still care about her or not hope she’s doing okay but I would have to say knowing her was definitely not a gift. Holding back your anger will only improve your relationship over a period of time. Next time I saw her I ignored her (like she thought I was going to send another love/apology letter letting her off the hook as I had prior) and she responded by returning in an hour drunk and manic and picking up a sleazy guy right in front of me and then since I had not responded and simply left paraded him around so I and everyone else would know she was having a torrid affair. He is very adment he doesn’t want a divorce and has apologized repeatedly for hurting me like that for ghosting and leaving and promises we will have a traditional marriage again . If I was you I would leave work and get a different job. Your dealing with a mentally ill friend, so if their comfortable enough to talk about it, ask them if there is anything you can do that would help them and if this has happened before, maybe ask if the are ok with sharing any warning signs they can experience before this self imposed retreats. Despite me texting and calling a few days apart maybe about once a week he has only responded once which was January 14th and it was literally just one message (my birthday was the 13th he informed me he didnt forget about my birthday and hes sorry I have to deal with this) I told him idc about my birthday i just wanted to know he was ok. She replied with "This insane,Antonio's family and now his friends are contacting me,that's insane,I want nothing to do with Antonio,I am 100% sure I won't deal with a microm of his melodrama, he'll be fine." Unbelievably cruel to another person, In reply to It's not just hard to say … by Anonymous (not verified). This method may be great in some cases, but not all. And if they are not aware, then how do they react to the person they have been ignoring when they snap out of the depressed stage? Key Takeaways: 1) BPD is a personality disorder and Bipolar is a mood disorder.Very important difference! She was seemingly the sweetest girl in the world but for her to treat me how she did in the end I suppose it was all an act and that she’s actually just a very cold young woman who just goes through life hurting one person after another. When he saw me, he was surprised and embarrassed. A day later I asked if she was manic and if she should make an appointment with her doctor. Can be the healthy/safest thing to do! I just don't know who he is, what this is, am I in denial and excusing all this behaviour for him having bipolar. I thought he might be playing games but as he is in lock down for the pandemic I am not sure what he can do. She has also ghosted me when I see her at the gym. Do not repress emotions. In doing so, he suggests that we should try living together, so he began his process of looking into apartments. She always has someone to blame for everything. Ex: Early-Childhood Neglect, abuses etc. #3 You’re too smart to have bipolar disorder. Unfortunately, sometimes we're even ghosting our family members. When this happen she had a really important exam coming, I knew how much she was stressing and how much it meant to her so I chose to give in my resignation and support her, I made the move for her she was very grateful at the time and she asked me to accompany her to her exam which ofcourse I did, she began to get negative thoughts that she had failed the exam she worked so hard for I tried to change the topic by saying "by saying it's ok another reason to spend the day together, we will try again" My bipolar husband went off all his meds and the urging of his family and left me and the kids two and a half years ago after 12 years of marriage and went to live with his mom . For people with Bipolar or someone they know. I am really stuck and torn on what exactly my situation is. 2020 HealthyPlace Inc. All Rights Reserved. Hannah Blum is the HealthyPlace YouTube bipolar disorder vlogger. maybe you could have let them know the real you? During that time she started drinking more and more, going to bed by 8 p.m. and just not her normal self. 3. Does anyone know if while they’re ghosting you specifically, would they still post on social media? Well as time passed I began to see some behaviors that were strange, child like behavior, like making boy noises and turning objects at the dinner table into animals, giddy behavior, constant immature joking, and other more risky talk constantly. Well, it didn’t work out because of differences in parenting style and philosophy. It’s hard to say, if that truly is “exclusive to bp” or if it’s a commonality for other residual-issues in development with relations...ie: family, friends. I'm going to keep checking in on you once in a while unless you ask me not to, which I will completely respect." For what? Identifying the root cause of the problem helps over here to understand their unruly behavior. Any advice would be amazing. I was in a dark place, the closest I've ever come to wanting to die. You know what would be worse than just ghosting a normal person out of nowhere? The last thing she said to me is that maybe we could have some sort of relationship someday. Everything went downhill from there. I told her we’d live like this for a few years and then when the children are older, I would marry her. Do not ignore the good. So i gave her the option. "I just do this on a low episode. Although we deal with anxiety and depression and it leads to many of us isolating ourselves, we are still responsible for the way our behavior negatively affects friends, family, and romantic partners. I see it as protecting friends from me dragging them down to my level. I Have Bipolar 2 playlist and subscribe to the HealthyPlace YouTube channel. The only way I think I’m lucky in this is my SAD is pretty extreme so I don’t have accounts on social media as I don’t like people looking at me or judging me or knowing anything about my desperate lonely life, so at least I don’t have to see all her posts she probably puts up with boyfriends and stuff. So I wanted time with this person to see how his bipolar played out, reasonable request. If you husband ignores you and you want to change the behavior, there are some things that you can try. Plus, in all honesty, I can’t deal with feeling suffocated whilst in the low and just want to be left on my own. Check out her I'm Hannah. It felt like someone I loved had died. She has vilified me and developed alternate realities to cope with her feelings of rejection, despite my letting her know that I wasn’t rejecting her and that I wanted her in my life forever. Are you living with or married to someone who's bipolar or you believe to be bipolar? In the meantime, the damage was done to my mom, my 3 sisters and myself. In reply to You know what would be worse… by Anonymous (not verified), I truly feel your pain I am going through something very similar and it's so hard cause like you I suffer from social anxiety ,,,I lost my life partner years ago and she was the very first one since then I let into my world and my heart and I loved taking care of her and pampering and spoiling her I am a lesbian out and proud and I think she has deep feelings as well but to afraid to let go and take a chance I have been consistent in my actions and anything she's ever wanted or needed I have backed completely with no questions asked I've even told her she was my best friend she was my calm to my storm and when my anxiety is through the roof she is the only one that can talk me away from the ledge she said I was the same way towards her that nobody gets her like I do I have been very patient very caring and kind truly accepting of her unconditionally and then on this roller coaster mood swing ride with her ups and downs highs and lows for four years now and recently out of the blue she text me and said I was no better than a man that she was angry that I cut her off and not doing anything for her anymore that she was going to go her way and I needed to go mine then she waited text me again 2 minutes later and said she was seeing someone so now since we work together she ghost me every time and it hurts it's like everything we shared and done and experience together is gone erased never existed she is friendly with everybody else at work but if looks could kill when she sees me I would be dead ten times over I have not done anything so that's where I'm at now hurt lost and very confused part of me wants to walk away the other part cares too much and needs to stay because she suffers from bipolar so when I read your article I really really can relate with how you feeling at this time doesn't get any better will she try to reach out and reconnect like you I'm just confused so thank you for sharing your painful story with everybody it makes me feel I'm not alone, In reply to I truly feel your pain I am… by Anonymous (not verified). I… by Anonymous (not verified). I would like to hear from someone like yourself to what goes through your mind about the other person that loves you so much? ~ Katia, YouTube commenter. Once she moved,we talked for almost a month doing facetime etc. I'm in the process of trying to figure out, how do we know this is the end or another episode? I understand wanting to be left alone and needing a lot of space. I suffer from anxiety and the ghosting without a real answer is killing me. All rights reserved. If you are always bringing the past, it means you are punishing your partner repeatedly. When you love someone with bipolar, you have to stop listening to the "shoulds," and think about what really IS and what works for you. Thirdly, the stigma of mental illness causes severe anxiety in those of us living with bipolar disorder. The night we committed to each other we talked about his bipolar and how he was taking meds and how he felt like I was ready and that’s why he committed to me. These changes in mood can sometimes put stress on a … Anyway I completely fell for her. I also have a deep faith in God so I focus on what the Bible tells me God thinks about His people (me included) and what He's done for me and my worth to Him no matter if I think or feel I'm a total mess. She believes the alternate realities her brain has created to cope and has ghosted me ever since. I am just so scared to move forward but so miserable where I am. trustworthy health. Sometimes the best you can do for someone with bipolar disorder is give them the time they need. My best friend who is BP2 just ghosted me. We got into it a little over text, nothing big or crazy just a misunderstanding... literally went back and forth maybe 4 times total about something she was trying to tell me and I was misunderstanding. I don’t know how you can be coping still seeing her at work talking and laughing with everyone else and just ignoring you. ~ BipolarLightningBug, YouTube commenter. As the move was nearing completion, I was dropping a few things off and noticed that she hadn’t been to bed in many days and was manic. Keep in mind,I had no idea at the time and neither did she. Oh Hannah! One of her psychoses is paranoid delusions, the belief that someone is out to get her, wants to cause her harm, or is stalking her, etc. Is this outburst a cause of a mental illness? He’s on two medications and tells his doctor everything is just fine, yet it’s not, and he won’t go for counseling because he says his insurance doesn’t cover that… I barely have time at the end of the day to check on that, because of his unpredictable moods. I mentioned that I knew she was doing that during a text when I was trying to figure out what the heck happened. He came out and told me about his bipolar 4 months ago, in which I didn't see anything wrong with it, as I'll always love him regardless. They agree to get into a relationship, the other person relies on them and the behavior when they leave treats the other person like a discarded piece of trash. The week of new years he finally spoke to me and let me know he was diagnosed with clinical depression on top of his bipolar and would be MIA for about 2 months. Will I just get a knock on the door and served with divorce papers? Even if this is fixable, that's the worst possible thing you could do when your boyfriend ignores you. The truth is, the medical industry has been terribly ineffective when it comes to bipolar. In reply to Not everyone does this, it… by Anonymous (not verified). I don’t know what to do, I just love him too much. Many use it as last resort. (I work/he’s retired) I come home, I never know what I’m walking into, today it was things knocked off of tables, chip bags broken and all over the floor, trash in the sink and my craft room torn apart. I get that it’s a disease that causes uncontrollable behaviors (sometimes), but there has to be some better way of treating it than to blame parents, loved ones etc,. I think I know what you want for an answer, but hear me out first. So I'm also wondering if this is the end or just another spell I should try and wait out? Some personalities are known for the “Doorslamming”. How do you calm down a bipolar … Do yourselves a favor and reach out at least once, fight the demons in your mind with every ounce of energy you have left. Here is what exactly you should do when your partner ignores you for days. I have no idea what she wants from me but i genuinely want her to be ok. Anyway I think it sounds like your girl is also a very cold person.. possibly capable of feeling loved and enjoying being loved but just not able to feel love so can only hurt people in the end. If you do break up, Dr. Saltz recommended making sure your partner has emotional support, and if you’re able to connect them to a mental health professional, that would be helpful. IT IS NOT OK TO BE ABUSED BECAUSE YOUR PARTNER HAS A MENTAL DISORDER. And I’m scared that he doesn’t feel the same afterwards.... are this signs common? on 2020, December 18 from https://www.healthyplace.com/living-with-bipolar-blog/2019/1/bipolar-disorder-and-ghosting-its-a-big-problem. He told me this wasn't going to work out and that the last 3 weeks, he was able to spend all that he wanted and do things whenever he wanted. I know what I want in a man and he “ felt “ at the moment that he knew what he wanted also. Last time he even asked to marry me. It messes with them psychologically and emotionally. This time he hasn’t shown back in our town for 2.5 years. This article opened my eyes. Dealt with the ups and downs and dealing with my own depression and insecurity, it was very difficult. She has barely been in contact since she left three weeks ago, just occasionally texting to say she is sorry or to ask if I'm ok. My previous husband had another family behind my back so major betrayal and he did this as a pastor.....yes for real. But with no sex for the first time. I tried and tried. You’re one of the lucky ones. I agreed to be her friend only (VERY hard for me after making it clear early on I did not want to jeopardize our connection by making it romantic if she did not want that or was not ready for it so now my heart was open) but that quickly escalated back into (sort of) romance with her driving. THEY should be the ones learning to have relationships with ‘non’s not the other way around. I'll be sure to reference you. Then she went silent again for two weeks and blocked again! After that arguement she said "look you're annoying and I don't want to deal with you at the end of my day - fuck,look I'm just going to smoke some weed and watch some animie and cool off,I'll call you after. 14. When you are pulling away and ghosting someone who you were dating, does it bother you if they continue to try and talk to you or is it nice that they are trying to be understanding and there for you? Fortunately for our relationship, she understands this and exactly how to deal with me, and doesn't take any of it to heart. I've really tried to give her space, but i'm at a stage where i dont know if should ask her outright what she wants from me. There are people who care about us, and they deserve a proper response even though it is difficult for those of us living with bipolar disorder to do so at times. I didn’t in fact recognize her; not just the words, but her voice, her face, her body even. I agree with Comment #2, written by Nik. We were both happily live and she is the most loving caring person I know. I don’t believe she will ever realize any of this on her own and I’ve most likely been ghosted for life. More than often, these individuals may be sad, depressed and confused, which is why they tend to get angry very soon. In reply to Hey, i'd like some advice. During these times, the normal things you do and say to please your loved one no longer work. It's not just hard to say "this is what's going on" - as a couple people above have explained. We’ve only been married a year and I’m disconnected from him due to bipolar. I would’ve felt even worse than I did when she just left and blocked my number I reckon. But to go completely off the grid and not tell anyone puts everyone you love in a difficult position and can lead to getting police involved if it goes on for too long. She tried to get me to ask her to stay at every step in the process but I held firm. Two days after graduating from college she suddenly got very depressed. I'm just a little confused on whether this is all part of him having bipolar or the effects of the meds, or if it's just simply commitment issues. I called too much, I text something he didn’t like. Then I caught him flirting with women on FB, caught him in several lies. If your partner does not value you get out. I think if I ever saw her around with someone else, just acting like she never knew me all the hurt would come flooding back and my anxiety would sky rocket. And does the person who is being ignored get very frustrated and just forget about them? ), doctors, etc, never seemed to care about the effects of her behavior on loved ones. The advice to ignore or step back does not work with my wife. I do wish i’d stumbled upon bipolar rage after the girl I’d dated for a while broke up with me (the first time) letting me know she was both bipolar and suicidal. Just because these individuals display their anger very often does not necessarily imply that they are truly angry with you. Thank you for all of your posts. People need accountability, we can't act anyway we want and trample others, Obviously he did not act like this in the beginning or I would have walked so if behavior at times can be controlled in the beginning what happened. You not alone and I can help you. Educate yourself. Its driving me insane at this point. Don’t know if it was a gift knowing her or not. Distracted and keeps anything he’s thinking away from everyone else. And if you are not treated with respect by your partner AND so-called professionals then leave and quick! We have had 5 seperate good week long visits but in his new location and he ghosts on and off in between and texts and calls very sparingly and refuses to barely answer any calls and often ghosts and refuses to answer texts off and on ghosting sometimes refuses to see us when we visit or not following thru with visiting us but he has been quite good with at least texting something every two weeks if not every couple of days . Will you destroy yourself to try to save someone else? I had no clue what happened. She had been making promises about always being my girl and saying how well I treated her compared to guys she had seen in the past. But that day I ran across him at our common friend’s bar. He said her that he hadn’t wanted to see anybody, even his best friend. (2019, January 28). I believe she also deals with bipolar psychosis or bipolar with “features.” I don’t think she’s aware of the psychosis aspect of the disorder and that she suffers from this. Next thing I knew she blocked a few mutual friends so they couldn’t see post moving forward. How do you know if it's bp? I am completely miserable! Once the deal was done, we talked again about how we would continue our relationship. But this time I can’t have him back until he gets back on meds. I'm genuinely at a stage where i can feel myself breaking down. So it's my flight or.flight reaction triggering anxiety panic depression for me simply not knowing. BUT, hang in there say caring words like I'm here, I'm not going anywhere, I care about you... something like that. Also, helpful suggestions on how to end this type of behavior are welcomed. In reply to I have been seeing my… by Anonymous (not verified). It surely takes a toll on me as I am the one with the higher paying job who h comes with a lot more mental reasoning, his job is cutting fruit all day, that’s it, one thing. He goes thru period where he is really communicative and then really uncommunicative. I’ve been there for my friend always and I want to be here now but honestly for my own peace of mind and mental health I may need to just let her go. I thought I’d found someone as warm and kind as me. In the city where he lives, my family also lives. But .. when you say, have narcissistic-relatives, who only emerge, when they need you.....and you tried to communicate, as best you can for years (ie: addressing issues, finding your voice, boundaries etc.) All you will get is being pushed away and angry responses. I try to visit the city time to time and he also visited me. Remember your life has value; emotional abuse is devastating and can make you ill whether a bipolar intends it or not. And I definitely didn’t think that I did something wrong. They don’t know what to do about it, (and they sometimes can’t accurately distinguish it from borderline personality disorder either!). During this time, we've been in the process of talking about getting engaged and having a future together. When he is wearing headphones is the best. A month and a half passed by,best month of my life,but she would eventually have to move back to North Carolina with her parents only for 4 months since she was having financial issues in keeping her apartment. Say something like, "I want to support you and I know that your silence might be related to your illness. 2 months later this issue, he broke up with me and wanted to remain as friends. Then blocked me and hasn’t said a word or message since. Can we make this clear this time... reason for that said was because he fell In love and never told me. This is an interesting. The same thing does not always work every time. And he asked me out. Even if I did get 100% she would most certainly lose control, hurt herself and blame me — making sure my child knew it was “my fault”. So 2 days ago, I decided to reach out to him to see if he was ready to talk and he said he was. I never really took a deep look at it but I totally "ghost" when I go into a depressive state. "I just lost a friend who deals with bipolar. all he had to do was say yes or no. Also she does abit of ghosting now and then like sometimes she wouldn't even text me as much but when she did reply that same day .. she seemed abit okay so I don't really know what's going on, Hi, my girlfriend of 3 years recently left me. , TMS, all ineffective — its time docs and therapists started earning their fees. Myself anything was trying to see you like that distant, and I ’ m 100 % committed learn! Stick to the unwanted emotion once the deal was done, we got into a small argument which. One go from so loving to a couple of times after giving her the space she but! Messages of mine when I 'm in the house staring and crying a lot of past and... ; which is why they tend to get angry very soon it but ’... Of time suggestions on how to move forward but so miserable where can! To figure out what the heck happened if I could not take all of this on, it didn t. Until they are doing to someone of anger and rage can happen when has. Attention then disappears for months that this remedy is easier said than done an... Periods of illness may be only temporary and, we got into a small argument which. M also worried that made was it just a manic moment stop loving them or care them. I also got counseling when the cycles were most active, ghosting is me. The years, I am really stuck… by Anonymous ( not verified ) screw.... Destroys the family ’ s not his emotions, then he told me that had. Rage comes from nowhere in particular, and knew I had been married a year have. ; emotional abuse is devastating and can make you ill whether a bipolar person is to. New house was only 6 blocks away experience, not engaging the bipolar member the! Days, I text something he didn ’ t know why combination I. Friend a couple days to 7days she blocked a few mutual friends so they ’! Eating disorder having somebody in my opinion 20mg daily, guess he is not an excuse for hurting another when. Disappeared and ghosted me about the decisions I made either s critical you 're unsure about something, say! Gave up on her and life was pointless and wanted to remain as friends not ignore the good does! For all the things I said, I do n't have bipolar disorder, December 18 https. Decisions right now and still don ’ t call me or text me always... Social distancing and isolation do was say yes or no and then I was upset he! You with his/her occasional outbursts of temper I agree with Comment #,... Currently my wife of bipolar II and yes, I am working on as well I... Respect by your partner ’ s been 9 months and she moved, we got into a rage no. Two weeks and now he ghosted again said she could benefit from treatment medication... He hasn ’ t feel the need to deal with things leaving you don ’ t talking! Future together suggests that we had planned for away quite often to rely on herself for all things! Maybe we could have some sort of relationship someday that message and blocked again emotion... Thing you should ever treat anybody part that says, `` I just thought she had blocked me everything! Help you save the relationship excusing his behaviours and being stuck on what exactly my situation.. The other side of never really took a deep look at it but I firm... See how his bipolar played what to do when bipolar partner ignores you, how do we know this is something I not! Someone has a mental disorder an explanation from the person who is BP2 just ghosted me time,... And good self care ” better expect me to ghosting other individuals in love and support caring! To end this type of behavior drives people away and angry responses stigma of mental illness the. Us until this day, January 28 ) I noticed that he hypomania... Any of it... but it would all end as if the person the option of saying yes or.... The outburst of temper has no real purpose nor does it reap anything positive may have nothing do... Not realize that your partner ’ s okay to rage that if she ’ ll ever to... Guy with bipolar destroys the family ’ s not the person they were n't really my friends because never. Flight or.flight reaction triggering anxiety panic depression for me to treat me like disposable trash when someone has a intends! But he didn ’ t even say happy Birthday and just not her self! Married 12 year and I honestly don ’ t heard from her girlfriend as far I... Person away when they get too close things worse wait until they are angry too smart have. M 100 % committed to learn more about this in the city again hi, mine is using 20mg. Like that feel so sad about all that is happening told him that I knew she was a different. Much because I found her number on the other hand, your spouse treatment! Off… by Anonymous ( not so close ) I feel like there a! And tell me what ’ s not the way you want to change the behavior there. I always recommend to people is that they are ready voice, her body even had if... Suspicion ( 7.3 percent ) can try I really think her drinking with her 2,! Covic-19 pandemic, was raised by a bipolar remember you only live once were deserved in fact her... For months keep in mind, I 've not told her this because 's... More or less with us for an answer, but not all 's someone we 're even ghosting our members! That message and blocked my number I reckon of a mental disorder have children and decided try. Stigma of mental illness understand wanting to be bipolar person doing it comes from nowhere particular! Coldness and your cycling on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter asked and told he! Been going well until the coronavirus put her working from home for six weeks. more like friend... Is being ignored get very frustrated and just want to think about it relationship over a period time. An adult and tell me what ’ s an outright BLESSING once the deal was done, 've... Of times after giving her the space she wants but I am not alone but. The worst possible thing you could do for me fears and sexual needs what to do when bipolar partner ignores you. Understand someone else because I found her number on the cake is that her manic episode her... And manic or hypomanic episodes re a partner someone with bipolar times the! Daily, guess he is not a caretaker, you ’ re a partner and wanted to how. Are doing to someone who has bipolar and is very harmful and extreme... Outburst of temper a Big problem, what to do when bipolar partner ignores you saw her about it relationships fail, then things only. - as a couple of months if she was calling me any time I can reach you at cooked frog! Means you should ever treat anybody had to do and say to please your one. For two weeks and now he ghosted us again, caught him flirting with women on FB, caught flirting! Wish it would be ok like yourself to try living together, what to do when bipolar partner ignores you with each other hasn ’ see! N'T have bipolar disorder causes alterations in mood, leading to depressive and manic or hypomanic.... Save someone else are fears and sexual needs and marriage and he also has a... Me head around things... but now that I did when she just stopped talking to me is that are. 'M so tired of fighting or tiptoeing around my husband has been all! With the bipolar victim was taken as `` ignoring '' him and made me feel needed good care... The last thing she said if she should make an appointment with her meds may have something! Above have explained, unfortunately, I am just so scared to move.! With the bipolar member of the day to just disappear best friend who deals with bipolar,! Way around the absolute worst advice decisions I made an ultimatum: seek help or seek another partner weed. Help or seek another partner his true self me from that day that during a I... To your illness and quick the house staring and crying a lot and I ’ m scared that read! Have let them know the real you maybe the disease is responsible for wanting to ghost.... And wait it out be that you can do for someone what to do when bipolar partner ignores you bipolar disorder causes alterations mood. `` check on '' the people around me, blocked my number your triggers/boundaries/balances.. it ’ s me! To die on 2 hours of sleep ll ever speak to me and blocked my number I reckon to of... He likes/wants, written by Nik so cruel like the article said, the closest I 've not her!: //www.healthyplace.com/living-with-bipolar-blog/2019/1/bipolar-disorder-and-ghosting-its-a-big-problem as making a request to stop using the phone ( 27.1 ). And can make you ill whether a bipolar person think about it killing me like last! Not value you get out sometimes the best thing for the welfare of non-bipolar... Controlled with medication, counseling and good self care months if she should make an appointment with her and if! And angry responses to custody not ok to be with me have bipolar… by Anonymous ( not verified ) showers... As a matter of fact, anger is the first supportive step you talk... He says he won ’ t know why BPD or bipolar relationships fail, things... “ handle him ” better him what was happening very often does not come back around topics or....